If you are based in or near London, you may be interested to know about a very special parents and babies group taking place on Wednesday lunchtime at the Bush Theatre as part of the amazing Fertility Fest. The Life and Lunch meeting is just for IVF parents and babies and is an opportunity to discuss candidly and confidentially, how it feels to become a parent after you’ve struggled to conceive. It is being facilitated by Saskia Boujo, Founder of My Beehive and creator of the ‘IVF and Proud’ merchandise brand; Helen Davies, author of More Love To Give about her story of secondary infertility; and Gabby Vautier, Co-Director of Fertility Fest and mum of IVF toddler twins.
I’ve heard from so many people recently who are pregnant after fertility problems who are full of anxiety and feel their pregnancies, which ought to be joyful, are being tainted by the worries from the time spent trying to conceive. Women then blame themselves once again for not being “normal”, but this is a perfectly understandable response to finally finding yourself pregnant after fertility problems. You may find it hard to have faith that things are going to be all right when you have become so accustomed to them not being all right.
The other resource which may be helpful is a book I wrote because I felt so strongly about the lack of understanding for people who are pregnant after fertility problems. It’s called Precious Babies – Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility and you can buy it from Amazon. It goes from the positive pregnancy test right through birth and early parenthood to interviews with adults conceived by IVF and I hope it helps you realise that you are not alone and that others feel the same way after fertility problems.
If you are pregnant after fertility problems, there is a brand new closed Facebook group that you can join. It is a closed space to talk to one another, to share experiences and to find news and information about pregnancy, birth and early parenting.
Did you know that the charity Fertility Network UK now has a special online group meeting every month for those who are pregnant after fertility problems? The group is open to everyone and will have expert speakers from time to time who will can offer tips and advice and answer questions.
Many people feel anxious when they finally discover they are pregnant after some time trying to conceive, and it can be hard to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Talking to others who really understand how you feel can be hugely beneficial and the group is online so you can join from wherever you are based. Although it is run via Skype, it is just like a conference call rather than a video conference so you don’t need to worry about being seen. You can find the details and information about who to contact to join here
So another day, another “helpful” IVF headline. Today the Daily Mail tells us about the “£100 ‘condom’ that is £4,900 cheaper than IVF but just as effective”…
The only evidence to back up this suggestion are some figures which are apparently due to be released at the weekend claiming that 150 people have got pregnant who have used the device.
We learnt earlier this week that new figures from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority show the number of babies born after IVF treatment now stands at more than a quarter of a million. I am not quite sure how 150 pregnancies leads the Daily Mail to conclude that this device is equally effective to the 250,000 babies from IVF…
I won’t say any more but if you are thinking of spending £100 on this device, please discuss it with a fertility specialist first.
I’m really interested in the subject of pregnancy after fertility problems – there’s often an assumption that the years of trying to conceive disappear the instant you see a positive pregnancy test, but I think there’s a growing recognition that maybe it’s not quite that simple.
I was really delighted to be asked to speak at a workshop in Haywards Heath called Time to Heal organised by local midwives there – you can find them at @@BSUH_TIME2HEAL on Twitter. There were so many fantastic speakers and the audience were very receptive and interested.
When I was pregnant after IVF, I had two brilliant midwives who made me realise that just because I’d had problems getting pregnant, it didn’t mean that I was automatically going to have problems being pregnant. I went on to write a book about this – Precious Babies: Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility – because I felt so strongly about the issue. I think my main feeling about this is that pregnancy after fertility problems is different but that it doesn’t mean a woman necessarily needs additional medical support – but what many of us could do with is some additional emotional support and understanding. This was a theme very much reflected by many of those attending the workshop, and I hope that going forwards this will be better understood.
If you are pregnant after fertility treatment and live in the South East, would you be willing to help with a research project?
Liz Gale, a Senior Lecturer in Midwifery at the University of Greenwich, is interested in the experiences of parents to be who are expecting their first child through IVF. This study is open to prospective parents who live in London or the South East and are expecting their first child, conceived using IVF or ICSI, genetically belonging to both parents. Full ethical approval for the study has been granted from the University of Greenwich research ethics committee.
Involvement in the study will entail 3 interviews, one antenatally at 34 weeks, the second when the baby is six weeks old and another 3 months following the birth. Interviews will take place in participant’s own home or somewhere convenient to you. You will also be asked to keep a diary to complete at your own convenience; this will not be onerous but will allow you to record your early experiences of parenthood; the diary will be reviewed by the researcher but will be yours to keep as a record of your early days with your baby. Anonymity is guaranteed and if you choose to participate you would have the right to withdraw at any point.
The study is undertaken as part of Liz’s PhD and once completed, the findings will be used to improve the care and support for parents with an IVF baby. If you are interested in taking part or wish to find out more information, please contact Liz at email@example.com
When you’ve spent months or even years hoping that you might be pregnant, you probably know all you need to about the signs of early pregnancy – morning sickness, tingling breasts, nausea… And if you’ve just done an IVF cycle, you’re probably looking out for any sign that your treatment may have worked.
Pregnancy symptoms during the two week wait
Women are often convinced that their treatment can’t possibly have worked because they don’t have any symptoms during the two week wait – but in reality it would be more unusual if you did have signs of pregnancy just days after conceiving. For most women who conceive naturally, they first suspect that they may be pregnant when their period is late – and for most women who conceive with IVF, it’s the pregnancy test that tells them that the treatment has been successful.
Testing for pregnancy early
It can be tempting to test early, especially if you are driving yourself mad wondering whether you’re experiencing pregnancy symptoms, but it is always a good idea to wait until the end of the two week wait. If you test early, sometimes this means that you will get a negative result when you are in fact pregnant just because your hormone levels aren’t sufficiently high to be picked up by the test.
There’s no easy solution to the tensions of the two week wait, but one thing you certainly don’t need to worry about is not feeling pregnant as it really doesn’t have any bearing on the outcome at such an early stage.
The week seems to have started really well with lots of social media conversation about fertility. I marked it by going to talk to staff at a City law firm about fertility and about how to help colleagues and employees who may be affected. It was encouraging that the subject had generated so much interest, and there were a number of questions and issues which came up for discussion at the end of the talk. It’s something many more employers could consider as increasing understanding about fertility problems can make all the difference.
I was also delighted that Piatkus, who publish my books, are offering five free copies of Precious Babies (the book about pregnancy, birth and parenting after infertility) to celebrate the week – all of these things help to raise awareness.
If you’re pregnant or a parent after fertility problems, Precious Babies is written just for you – and Piatkus are kindly donating a copy each day of National Fertility Awareness Week.
If you’d like to be entered into the draw for a copy – you can use the contact page on this blog or on my website giving me your details – and you may be one of the lucky winners of a free copy of the book.