Kate’s story – Unexplained infertility

I was thirty when I started trying to get pregnant – and when the first few months had gone by and nothing had happened, I started to worry.  All my friends were getting pregnant or having babies at that time, and it seemed as if every week there was another happy announcement – I felt as if everyone else was moving on and I was stuck, treading water, waiting and unable to do anything about it.

We had endless tests, but no one could find any reason why I wasn’t getting pregnant as everything looked normal.  It was a really difficult time as we were at our local hospital and we often had to wait months in between tests, and all the while I still wasn’t pregnant.  I started to put everything on hold – I didn’t want to book holidays or plan anything because I kept hoping I might be pregnant by that time. I didn’t want to tell any of our friends because I couldn’t bear the idea of people feeling sorry for me, so we had to endure endless jokey comments about how we didn’t want to go leaving it too long etc.  I’d always loved my job, but I started to question whether the hectic nature of the work might be affecting my fertility – and then I began to resent work too.  I hated watching other women go off on maternity leave – and then come back part-time chattering on about their babies – whilst all the time I was still stuck in the same place, waiting and waiting.

In the end, we went to see a lovely consultant who suggested trying IVF.  I was shocked as I still couldn’t quite accept that we really did have a fertility problem because it was unexplained – and there was a bit of me that kept hoping I’d suddenly get pregnant naturally.  He arranged for us to have treatment right away as we were self-funding (at the time the NHS wait locally was more than a year) – and before we’d realised quite what had happened we were swept into the world of injections and scans.  The medical side wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d feared, but I had no idea how overwhelming an emotional experience IVF would turn out to be.  When the cycle didn’t work, I wasn’t sure I could ever put myself through it again.  It felt as if we’d reached the end of the line, and there was nowhere else to go.  Eventually, we had another frozen cycle – which didn’t work either – and then decided to go for another full fresh cycle.  We’d just moved house, and everything was totally chaotic, which helped in a strange kind of way.  Even so, I was utterly amazed when I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. I just assumed it must be some kind of mistake, until the hospital confirmed the result with a blood test.

My son was the result of that cycle, and I also have a daughter born four years later after more treatment.  At the time, I always felt that our unexplained infertility must be somehow my fault – because I was too stressed or working too hard or not living the right lifestyle – but in fact, I have never got pregnant naturally despite changing all of those things in my life.  There is clearly a medical reason why we couldn’t conceive – but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never know what it is.

2 thoughts on “Kate’s story – Unexplained infertility

  1. Hi Kate,

    I had an unexplained fertility issue. I think I would have found it easier if there was a problem. I had a termination 13 years ago. I believe that because I became so ill after it, I never forgave myself for it, and as a result couldn’t conceive naturally for all this time.

    I had three cycles of IVF, which never worked out, then I ran out of money. I felt my husband never really understood how it was affecting me, I felt so alone. He was a heavy drinker and smoker which he didn’t give up for the IVF. I don’t believe that lifestyle like that can help ones health and vitality. I felt like I was in someone else’s body for years, everyday was a huge effort and I lost all my friends who had children because I couldn’t cope seeing them and their happiness!.

    Every story and journey is different. But for once in my life after 12 years, I am happy with a new man, who supports me 100 % and our communication is really good, something I feel went wrong in my marriage, so it was time to move forward.
    After just 6.5 months of being totally free in my self and more importantly my mind. I am now 9 weeks pregnant naturally again at age 41. I feel on top of the world, my boyfriend is my rock and my soulmate…. I felt until I freed my mind and forgave myself, pregnancy would never have ever happened again. It is still a huge shock, but Ive been so unhappy for so long. For me, I believe that giving up trying and freeing ones mind is key to conceiving where there is ‘unexplained fertility’.

    Stay happy, and cherish what you have…..

    Katy Le Sage

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