New research has been investigating how people react to unsuccessful fertility treatment and how best to them. Although such comparisons are difficult to make, going through unsuccessful fertility treatment is thought to have a worse impact on your mental health than divorce and is almost comparable to the impact of bereavement.
When research participants were asked to share their experience, they talked about an intense grief made of profound pain and feelings of loss, sadness and emptiness, which was sustained over time and only very progressively tended to diminish and become bearable. They also said that it was hard to stay connected with the people around them who have children and to discuss their situation with others, and this resulted in feeling very isolated. In addition, most people perceived to be abandoned by their fertility clinics and expressed a need for psychosocial support.
We now know that with time, around nine in every ten people are able to let go of their desire for children and rebuild a happy and fulfilling life. What we haven’t know, is what the things that helped those people to come to terms with their unmet desire for children.
To investigate this adjustment process, Dr Sofia Gameiro from Cardiff University worked with the patient support charity Fertility Network on an online study aimed at answering two key questions. First they wanted to find out whether this grief and the adjustment process is experienced by everyone who is unable to have the children they wanted or is unique to those who had had fertility treatment. Second, they want to investigate the mechanisms which helped people to adjust and could be used to support others.
There were 420 responses to the survey and the vast majority were women with an average age of 35. The survey results showed three key things that help people come to terms with their unmet desire for children;
- Making meaning of the experience
- Accepting the reality
- Refocusing life on other fulfilling goals
The results from this study are in the process of being written up for publication and have been crucial to the development of educational and supporting materials that Fertility Network UK is making available in its More to life website, which is specially dedicated to support those facing the challenges of childlessness. The materials will be launch on Tuesday 30th October and can be accessed here.