Miscarriage is devastating, and often women find it hard to talk about so the idea of an Instagram account for women to come together to discuss their experiences may sound slightly bizarre – but in fact, many women have found the I Had a Miscarriage Instagram pages very helpful. It was started by a psychologist, Jessica Zucker, in 2015 and already has more than 17 thousand followers. The account has become a space for women to connect, to share their feelings and to read about the experiences of others.
Losing a baby is particularly difficult if you have been through fertility problems and treatment first, and if you have personal experience of this it is always worth getting in touch with the Miscarriage Association who can provide lots of information and support. The Miscarriage Association is currently running the brilliant Simply Say campaign to help other people understand more about what to say when a friend, colleague or family member has experienced a miscarriage.
If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss or have been uncertain what to say to a friend who has had a miscarriage, the new campaign from the Miscarriage Association will be welcome. They’re aiming to help people respond to someone who has been through a miscarriage or an ectopic or molar pregnancy. Often people are so worried about saying the wrong thing that they end up trying not to talk about the miscarriage at all, which isn’t a helpful response.
The Miscarriage Association campaign is called Simply Say and aims to make it easier for people to have the conversations that they sometimes avoid. They are encouraging family, friends and colleagues to acknowledge the loss and then to listen, and the campaign aims to help them to know what to say – and what not to say.
The charity has spoken to women and their partners about the things they’ve found helpful and the things that can be particularly upsetting. They conclude that everyone is different and that it can be hard to find the right words to comfort someone, but acknowledging their loss is one way that you can help anyone who has been through this. Simply saying that you are sorry is one of the most important things you can do.
The things that can be particularly upsetting are well-meant comments which aim to put a positive spin on the experience – for example “Don’t worry, you can always have another baby” or ““It wasn’t meant to be”. For people who have had a miscarriage after spending some time trying to get pregnant, it’s the “well, at least you know now that you can get pregnant” comments which can be really hurtful. Although people may just be trying to find something positive to say, it is particularly unhelpful when you may feel that you don’t know if you will be able to get pregnant again.
The Miscarriage Association have produced an animation and infographics as well as a downloadable leaflet with more detailed information, and you can get involved in their #SimplySay campaign on social media. Do support this important campaign!
Thanks to The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman for this article about her experience of miscarriage. It is raw, honest and very moving, and she raises important questions about why it is that we don’t talk abut miscarriage. Why is it that women are often encouraged not to mention that they are pregnant until they reach 12 weeks because of the risk of miscarriage? It assumes that we would want to keep losing a baby secret, that it is something to be hidden and not talked about. For some people, this may make things easier but for many others, not being able to talk about something so heartbreaking can make it even harder to cope.
Miscarriage is devastating whenever it happens in pregnancy – and if you’ve taken time to get pregnant in the first place, it can feel even more overwhelming. If you, or anyone you know, is affected by miscarriage, the Miscarriage Association, can offer support and advice and is a really helpful source of information.
It is fabulous news that Tommy’s has opened a specialist nationalist centre to investigate the causes of miscarriage. Miscarriage is far more common than many of us realise and all too often women are told that investigations can only be carried out after they’ve been through three miscarriages. This is traumatic for anyone, but it is particularly difficult for a fertility patient who will first need to be lucky enough to get pregnant three times, only to lose their very precious pregnancy.
The new centre is going to be the biggest centre in Europe and will be dedicated to preventing early miscarriage. Three universities have joined together to run specialist clinics which will be part of the centre – the University of Birmingham, the University of Warwick, and Imperial College London. It is hoped that 24,000 women a year will be able to access the support offered and to take part in the research studies.
The statistics on miscarriage are stark – 200,000 mothers and their partners are affected every year with 85% of miscarriages occurring within the first 12 weeks. You can find out more about the pioneering new national centre here. If you have personal experience of miscarriage after fertility problems, you find the Miscarriage Association leaflet on Fertility problems and pregnancy loss helpful
I’ve only just seen this incredibly moving article in The Guardian about the experience of miscarriage – you don’t need to have been through the loss of a pregnancy yourself to empathise with this piece. It does make you think about how little other people appreciate or understand what it feels like to lose a baby – especially when this happens more than once. Well worth reading – thanks Amy for writing it.
If you are affected by miscarriage, the Miscarriage Association can offer really valuable help and support.