It’s the run up which is just as bad as the event itself and it can seem as if there is no escape from Mother’s Day, but if you are anywhere near Liverpool on Sunday, there is something you may want to know about. It’s called the Mother’s Day Runaways service, will take place in the Lady Chapel at Liverpool Cathedral and it aims to offer a safe space for those who find Mothering Sunday difficult.
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a mother, the loss of a child, or a baby through miscarriage, whether you’re struggling with infertility or childlessness, singleness or a difficult relationship, whether you never even knew your mother or whether there is another reason why you might find Mothering Sunday painful, this quiet, reflective service has been designed with you in mind.
There have been a couple of interesting items on egg freezing in the last few days. The first is a piece from the Telegraph, based around a BBC Radio 4 documentary about egg freezing presented by Fi Glover which looks at the reality of egg freezing. It’s definitely worth a read – and a listen – as it looks at why people consider egg freezing and asks whether the promises it offers are a reality.
At the same time, the Guardian’s Mariella Frostrup was answering a dilemma in a letter from someone who felt angry and let down by a friend who had suggested that she shouldn’t bother freezing her eggs at 35 as she was now 40, wanting a baby and had been told she had possibly left it too late. What was most interesting about this was the completely misplaced certainty that she would have been able to have children had she frozen her eggs, when in fact as Fi Glover’s programme and the Telegraph article explain, this may be very far from the case.
There is a huge media interest in egg freezing, and this is an interesting discussion whatever your point of view…
Just a quick reminder for anyone living in or near Manchester that the Fertility Show will be held there this weekend. It’s the first Fertility Show outside London and you can find full details and buy tickets here. You will find a great range of seminars covering a range of fertility-related topics, and a Q and A stage too where you can ask your own questions.
I’ll be speaking about how to choose a fertility clinic and will be at the Fertility Network UK stand for most of the day on Saturday – so do come and say hello!
It’s International Women’s Day and a good opportunity to celebrate some of the things that women do for one another in fertility. I was thinking of some of the women who have done and continue to do so much to change things in this field, and wanted to thank a few of them.
The first is Clare Lewis-Jones, the former Chief Executive of the charity Fertility Network UK. Clare led the charity as it grew in size and influence and was a presence at every fertility conference and event, reminding professionals of the need to think about the patient perspective. She championed the cause and helped to change the way people think about fertility, removing some of the stigma and encouraging us to talk, in part by being open about her own fertility story. Clare was awarded a much-deserved MBE for her work and was a real inspiration to me.
The second is Jessica Hepburn, who wrote a book about her own experiences of fertility problems and treatment and who went on to set up Fertility Fest. Jessica is an amazingly inspiring person who has swum the Channel and is now running the marathon to raise funds to help to support other people going through fertility problems. She has spoken widely and openly about how it feels to have unsuccessful treatment and has enabled many other people to talk about this.
My third is someone you may not know. She is called Diane and she runs the support line at Fertility Network UK. Diane is a nurse and has been answering calls and responding to emails from fertility patients for as long as I can remember. Every time I’ve suggested that anyone might benefit from giving her a call, they’ve been really touched by her kindness and helped so much by the support and advice she has offered. Diane has been at hand for hundreds of fertility patients on their journeys and is a real inspiration with her positivity and generosity of spirit.
These are just three women – there are so many more I can think of out there who are doing remarkable work to support and encourage, to inspire and inform. There are also all those women who support one another every day just by being there for each other, by showing their understanding and offering words of encouragement to their fellow fertility patients. The importance of that support should never be underestimated. Happy International Women’s Day to you all!
For most people, it’s probably the worst part of an IVF cycle – the notorious 2ww when you get to spend a fortnight (which seems to last about ten years) on tenterhooks, worried about everything you do and don’t do in case it affects the chances of a positive outcome. One of the most frequently asked questions is what you should and shouldn’t do during this time.
You will find all kinds of advice from all kinds of experts about activities, diet and supplements during the two week wait. There are those who advise that you should take the time off work and do as little as possible, spending the first day or two lying on the sofa. Others may advise going back to work right away to try to keep your mind occupied and suggest that it’s best for your mind and body to keep active and busy. I’ve heard of people drinking pints of milk and others avoiding dairy products. There are women who don’t take baths because they might overheat, and others who are lying around with hot water bottles on their stomachs.
If you visit any fertility forum, you will find it awash with questions and suggestions about the two week wait. Some are quite bizarre – a quick trawl produced all the usual stuff about eating pineapple core and brazil nuts, but the idea that you shouldn’t eat anything uncooked and that you need to wear socks 24 hours a day were both new ones to me!
I will always remember the nurse who cared for us during our first IVF cycle telling me that any rules about what not to do during the two week wait weren’t really set because they would cause an embryo not to implant or induce a miscarriage but rather because they were things that fertility patients often worried about. So, having a glass of wine during the two week wait is not going to stop you getting pregnant, but if your treatment doesn’t work and you’ve had a glass of wine, you are likely to question whether it was to blame.
I think the bottom line with all of this is that if you are sufficiently worried to be asking whether it is OK to do something, it’s probably a good idea not to do it. Two weeks seems a lifetime during the 2ww, but in reality it isn’t a long period to have to give anything up. There are no hard and fast rules, but following your own instincts and doing what feels right for you rather than allowing yourself to be driven to distraction by conflicting suggestions is probably the best advice anyone can give you about what to do and not to do.
NHS Commissioners in yet another area are considering cutting fertility services. This time, it’s Richmond Clinical Commissioning Group which is consulting on whether to continue to offer one fresh and one frozen cycle of treatment or to cut the service entirely. You can give your views by completing their survey – https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/IVFandICSIconsultation
The consultation closes on Tuesday 4 April 2017, so please do let your views be heard especially if you live in or near Richmond.
Did you know that the Fertility Show will be in Manchester next month? The event which has taken place at London’s Olympia for many years is spreading its wings and will be held at Manchester’s Central Convention Complex in Windmill St on March 25 and 26.
Tickets are now on sale here so do come along if you are nearby – I will be there too speaking about how to choose a fertility clinic and will be on the Fertility Network UK stand so come and say hello!
If you’ve been looking at fertility websites or forums (I think it should be “fora” but that sounds too weird), you may have been confused by the abbreviations…
They crop up throughout posts, and at first it can seem as if people are speaking an entirely different language when they talk about TTC (trying to conceive) and being on their 2ww (two week wait) hoping for a BFP (big fat positive – a positive pregnancy test).
Here is a brief guide to some common abbreviations for anyone who may a little help with translation…
A/F = Aunt Flo (period)
AH = Assisted hatching
AI = Artificial insemination
AIH = Artificial insemination by husband
AMH = Anti mullerian hormone
ART = Assisted reproductive technique
BBT = Basal body temperature
BFN = Big fat negative
BFP = Big fat positive
BICA = British Infertility Counselling Association
CD = Cycle day
DE = Donor eggs
DHEA = Dehydroepiandrosterone (a hormone which some believe can be beneficial for women with a low ovarian reserve)
DI = Donor insemination
DH = Darling husband
DPO = Days post ovulation
DPR = Days post retrieval
DP = Darling partner
DPT = Days post transfer
DS = Donor sperm
EC = Egg collection
ENDO = Endometriosis
ET = Embryo transfer
FER = Frozen embryo replacement
FET = Frozen embryo transfer
FP = Follicular phase
FSH = Follicle stimulating hormone
HCG = Human chorionic gonadotropin
HFEA = Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority
HPT = Home pregnancy test
HRT = Hormone replacement therapy
HSC = Hysteroscopy
HSG = Hysterosalpingogram
ICSI = Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection
IMHO = In my humble opinion
IMO = In my opinion
IUI = Intra-uterine insemination
IVF = In vitro fertilisation
IYKWIM = If you know what I mean
LAP = Laparoscopy
LH = Luteinising hormone
LMP = Last menstrual period
LP = Luteal phase
LPD = Luteal phase defect
M/C = Miscarriage
OI = Ovulation induction
OHSS = Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome
OPK = Ovulation predictor kit
PCOS = Polycystic ovary syndrome
PESA Percutaneous epididymal sperm aspiration
PG = Pregnant
PI = Primary infertility
PID = Pelvic inflammatory disease
PMS = Pre-menstrual syndrome
POF = Premature ovarian failure
SI = Secondary infertility
TESA = Testicular sperm aspiration
Jessica has written a fantastic blog post about this and if you want to read more about what she’s doing and why, you can find it here. There’s also a link to her JustGiving page where you can make a donation to support her through her 26 miles. For me, 10k feels like a marathon, and I think it’s a wonderful thing that she is doing – so support her if you possibly can and help to make it even more worthwhile.
All too often, there’s an assumption that secondary infertility is somehow less of a problem because you aren’t childless – and yet in fact the pain it causes may be different, but it is still a deeply distressing problem. Parents can feel guilty about not being able to provide a sibling for their child, and it can be very difficult to escape pregnant women and babies when you have a young child.
People sometimes put off seeking medical advice if they are experiencing secondary infertility having conceived without a problem in the past. In fact, there are no guarantees when it comes to fertility and it is actually more common to have a problem second time around than it is not to be able to have a child in the first place. Sometimes the difficulties you are experiencing are just down to the fact that you are older than you were when you got pregnant before, but there can be other medical problems which may have occurred in the interim. If it is taking you longer than you would have liked to get pregnant again, you should visit your GP in just the same way that you would do for primary infertility – so usually after a year of trying unsuccessfully or after 6 months if you are over 35.