It’s that time of year again and it can seem as if you can’t escape images of cheery happy families whatever you do and wherever you go. Christmas is always a difficult time for anyone trying to conceive when it can feel as if everything conspires to remind you of what you don’t have – and of course, the festival itself is all about celebrating a very special birth.
I know lots of people offer lots of different advice about how best to get through the next few weeks, but I think the bottom line is that you need to try to find a way to make the Christmas break an enjoyable or rewarding time for yourself. It isn’t easy if you end up with dozens of invitations to family parties or child-focused events, but don’t forget that this is your holiday too and your top priority should be looking after yourself.
Christmas is meant to be a time of giving, and sometimes we assume that means that we need to put what others want and need ahead of what we might want and need ourselves – but actually sometimes that’s not the best thing to do. If you know you are going to spend a miserable afternoon at your friend’s Christmas party surrounded by the friends she’s made at her daughter’s nursery school who all want to discuss how to get children to eat broccoli and which is the best local primary – and who will all ask whether you have children yourself – it’s really quite acceptable to make an excuse not to go and just arrange to see your friend at another time over the Christmas period.
This is true of any events over the holiday period. Try not to feel guilty about making an excuse if you need to. Sometimes other people may not seem to understand, but there’s nothing wrong with being honest and saying that actually you would just find it too painful if you feel able to do that. Otherwise, you can always make an excuse – at this time of year, there are often so many things on that it’s very common to be double-booked. Don’t feel you have to do things that you know will make you feel upset and unhappy just because it’s Christmas.
If Christmas makes you feel lonely, never forget that there are 3.5 million people across the UK having difficulty getting pregnant – and it may be that your neighbour or colleague is experiencing exactly the same feelings.
Think carefully about the things you would like to do – an adults drinks party, a trip to the theatre or cinema and maybe you’d like to celebrate in your own way and do something completely different whether that’s a Christmas trip somewhere completely different (IVF-diminished funds permitting), a long seaside walk, tapas for two at home for Christmas lunch or a Christmas Day film marathon. You could consider doing something completely different, perhaps volunteering with an organisation like Crisis which provides Christmas for homeless people or Community Christmas which provides celebrations for isolated elderly people – in London, another option is Whitechapel Mission but there are similar schemes across the UK. It really is up to you what you want to do, and you don’t need approval from anyone else. Do something that will make you feel good and that you will enjoy – and most importantly, try to have fun.