Thanks to The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman for this article about her experience of miscarriage. It is raw, honest and very moving, and she raises important questions about why it is that we don’t talk abut miscarriage. Why is it that women are often encouraged not to mention that they are pregnant until they reach 12 weeks because of the risk of miscarriage? It assumes that we would want to keep losing a baby secret, that it is something to be hidden and not talked about. For some people, this may make things easier but for many others, not being able to talk about something so heartbreaking can make it even harder to cope.
Miscarriage is devastating whenever it happens in pregnancy – and if you’ve taken time to get pregnant in the first place, it can feel even more overwhelming. If you, or anyone you know, is affected by miscarriage, the Miscarriage Association, can offer support and advice and is a really helpful source of information.
Every so often there’s an article like this one in today’s Guardian, about “twins” born years apart… The writer of this piece has a son and daughter born as a result of one fresh IVF cycle and a further frozen embryo transfer from the same batch of embryos.
It is a fortunate, yet far from uncommon, experience after fertility treatment, but it doesn’t make the children “twins”. Twins are two babies who are carried together and born at the same time, which these children were not. They are siblings rather than twins.
The Guardian seem to specialise in this myth – here are some previous twins who were born five years apart, although at least that time they called them “twins” in the headline… Those were also covered by the Telegraph. And unsurprisingly the Daily Mail likes them too – these brothers born two years apart are “technically” twins according to the Mail – in fact, they are technically not twins. It is always made to sound as if it is some extraordinary and highly unusual matter, yet there are hundreds of thousands of siblings around the world who will have been conceived in a similar way.
Maybe I’m getting pedantic in my old age…
If you haven’t already read this article by Bibi Lynch in The Guardian, you should do. It’s a powerful piece about the reality of being childless in a world where motherhood is given a status you aren’t even aware of unless you aren’t or can’t be a mother. So much of what Bibi Lynch says will resonate with anyone who has experienced fertility problems as well as those who are living with childlessness.
She talks about the way people react when she says she doesn’t have children, about the assumption that only parents can care about children or are kind and loving people – and the idea of hardworking families as if anyone who does not have a family could not possibly be hardworking.
Read it, share it and give it to your family and friends to read – it may help them not to make assumptions or unhelpful comments, and to appreciate just a bit of how it might feel to be involuntarily childless. You may also want to read Bibi’s previous article about childlessness.
Egg freezing has been in the news once again this week with a story about a pop-up shop, Timeless, which will set up in London at the end of the month aiming to educate people about what is really involved in freezing eggs. It will contain products which are made to look like items you may find on Beauty shelves, such as the Eau de Pressure perfume range and the 3 simple steps to freeze your fertility, reminiscent of Clinique’s 3 step system. There will also be some debates.
There was a lengthy article by Eva Wiseman in The Observer on the subject, followed by an interesting opinion piece from Viv Groskop. You can also visit the Timeless website for more information. What do you think? Is it a good idea to provide more information in this kind of way? Does it end up just being another marketing tool for egg-freezing by giving a platform or is this really going to make people stop and think? De let me know your opinions on the subject…
There’s an interesting piece on the Guardian’s Comment is Free written by Barbara Ellen about a paper in the Lancet suggesting young women might freeze their eggs or ovarian tissue for future use. She is quite right to be concerned about the uncertainties around freezing as a solution – it is relatively new, expensive and comes with no guarantees – and yet having come across many women who are still unaware of the realities of their fertility I don’t think all women are aware of the way that fertility declines.
There may be endless screeching about this through the “media megaphone” as she describes it, and yet I regularly meet women in their forties who think that being fit and healthy and still having periods must also mean being fertile. I’m not sure where the disconnect is here, and whilst it is quite true that there are many women who may be unnecessarily anxious about their fertility in their early thirties, the realities of fertility in your forties still comes as a surprise to many others.
I’m not sure why this is – is it that women who are now in their forties didn’t get this message when they were younger? Is it that they are putting too much faith in fertility treatments to solve any problems? The realities of IVF success rates of less than 2% at the age of 45 combined with miscarriage rates rising to 93% at that age are still something too few women really appreciate.