If you are based in or near London, you may be interested to know about a very special parents and babies group taking place on Wednesday lunchtime at the Bush Theatre as part of the amazing Fertility Fest. The Life and Lunch meeting is just for IVF parents and babies and is an opportunity to discuss candidly and confidentially, how it feels to become a parent after you’ve struggled to conceive. It is being facilitated by Saskia Boujo, Founder of My Beehive and creator of the ‘IVF and Proud’ merchandise brand; Helen Davies, author of More Love To Give about her story of secondary infertility; and Gabby Vautier, Co-Director of Fertility Fest and mum of IVF toddler twins.
I’ve heard from so many people recently who are pregnant after fertility problems who are full of anxiety and feel their pregnancies, which ought to be joyful, are being tainted by the worries from the time spent trying to conceive. Women then blame themselves once again for not being “normal”, but this is a perfectly understandable response to finally finding yourself pregnant after fertility problems. You may find it hard to have faith that things are going to be all right when you have become so accustomed to them not being all right.
The other resource which may be helpful is a book I wrote because I felt so strongly about the lack of understanding for people who are pregnant after fertility problems. It’s called Precious Babies – Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility and you can buy it from Amazon. It goes from the positive pregnancy test right through birth and early parenthood to interviews with adults conceived by IVF and I hope it helps you realise that you are not alone and that others feel the same way after fertility problems.
I’m really interested in the subject of pregnancy after fertility problems – there’s often an assumption that the years of trying to conceive disappear the instant you see a positive pregnancy test, but I think there’s a growing recognition that maybe it’s not quite that simple.
I was really delighted to be asked to speak at a workshop in Haywards Heath called Time to Heal organised by local midwives there – you can find them at @@BSUH_TIME2HEAL on Twitter. There were so many fantastic speakers and the audience were very receptive and interested.
When I was pregnant after IVF, I had two brilliant midwives who made me realise that just because I’d had problems getting pregnant, it didn’t mean that I was automatically going to have problems being pregnant. I went on to write a book about this – Precious Babies: Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility – because I felt so strongly about the issue. I think my main feeling about this is that pregnancy after fertility problems is different but that it doesn’t mean a woman necessarily needs additional medical support – but what many of us could do with is some additional emotional support and understanding. This was a theme very much reflected by many of those attending the workshop, and I hope that going forwards this will be better understood.