The Long Road to Baby

Hearing other people’s stories can be so helpful – and heart-warming – when you are trying unsuccessfully to conceive, so thanks are due to the BBC’s Sophie Sulehria and her partner Johnny for charting their fertility story in a BBC Radio 4 podcast. Titled The Long Road to Baby, it bills itself as post-IVF exploration into the alternative ways to become parents. The ten episodes cover a range of topics including unsuccessful IVF, donor treatment, adoption, fostering and living without children.

Sophie has become a leading voice in the fertility world, and her willingness to speak openly about her own experiences has been hugely helpful to so many people struggling with their own fertility issues. Knowing that this can – and does – happen to anyone, including people in the public eye, makes all the difference to those who are feeling isolated and alone.

If you haven’t already, have a listen to the Long Road to Baby – it comes highly recommended!

You are not alone

One of the most difficult things about living with fertility problems is the loneliness and isolation you can feel as everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant effortlessly. If you don’t tell other people what you are going through, you get questions about when you are going to have children and warnings that you don’t want to leave it too late. If you do tell people, you can end up with lots of advice you could do without (“why don’t you just relax/get a dog/go on holiday…”).

Last night, I facilitated a fertility group for the charity Fertility Network UK in South East London and it really struck me, as it does every time we meet, how beneficial it can be to spend some time with other people who really understand how you are feeling and who know what it is like. Fertility Network has groups meeting across the UK, mainly run by volunteers like me, which offer a haven for anyone experiencing fertility problems. It’s a unique opportunity to be with people who share similar experiences and to be able to talk openly and honestly about how you are feeling.

It’s National Fertility Week and there’s lots of work going on to raise awareness about many important fertility-related issues, but one of the most important messages for me is that you don’t need to go through this alone. There are opportunities to meet other people who can offer support, and the groups aren’t miserable or depressing, but rather an opportunity to help yourself to feel less lonely. There are 3.5 million people living with fertility problems in the UK and meeting some of the others may be just what you need.

Royal pregnancy announcement

Pregnancy announcements are never easy when you’re trying to conceive, but one which has swamped the media and is this morning taking up endless pages of many newspapers is particularly difficult to avoid. What makes this announcement even more challenging is that the Royal couple were only married a matter of months ago, and seem to have conceived with effortless ease.

It was unfortunate that the announcement came during Baby Loss Awareness Week, on a day when many people were preparing to light candles for the Wave of Light in memory of their own losses. Although the couple have been criticised online for this, the most likely reason is that they simply didn’t know the significance of the day.

The endless discussions about the Royal pregnancy are going to go on – and on, and on – during the next few months. One of the best ways of dealing with that is to spend time with other people who understand how you feel about this because they share similar experiences. Why not try one of Fertility Network UK’s fertility groups which run across the UK? They’re an ideal opportunity to meet others and can be really empowering. I admit I am biased about this as I run the group in South East London, but that’s because I know how much it can help. Being with other people who understand, and who share your conflicted feelings about pregnancy announcements can make all the difference. It can help you to realise that you are not having a personality change and becoming an unkind person, but are reacting in a perfectly normal way to an emotional challenge. You can find details of all FNUK’s groups here, and it there isn’t a group near you, they can offer other support too – have a look at their website

Rally for fair fertility funding

It was great to be able to attend the rally at Westminster this evening organised by Fertility Network UK as part of their Scream4IVF campaign to try to push for fair funding for IVF based on the NICE guidelines, which conclude that it is both clinically effective and cost-effective to offer three full cycles of treatment to eligible women who are under the age of 40.

There were a range of excellent speakers at the rally including Fertility Network UK’s Chief Executive, Aileen Feeney, and London Organiser, Anya Sizer. They were joined by Paula Sherriff MP, Steve McCabe MP and author and Director of Fertility Fest Jessica Hepburn as well as Damion Sizer giving a male point of view and the brilliant Hope Sizer talking from the perspective of someone conceived by IVF.

It was an inspiring rally, and ended with some of the recorded screams (which were very loud!) and an opportunity to Scream for IVF ourselves. If you haven’t already signed the campaign petition to get a parliamentary debate on IVF, it’s not too late – you can find it here 

World Mental Health Day, and why it matters to fertility patients

Today is World Mental Health day, and a good time to think about the mental health impact on fertility problems, tests and treatment. All too often, there’s an attitude from those with no experience of infertility that it isn’t a really serious problem, and yet anyone who has been through this themselves will be only too aware of the way it can impact on your health.

A survey for the patient charity Fertility Network UK and Middlesex University found that respondents reported feeling sad, frustrated, fearful and worried, out of control and helpless most of the time. They often felt stressed, tearful, inadequate, angry, isolated, despairing, depressed, guilty or shamed and experienced low confidence and concentration and a loss of sex driven. They also felt unsupported. Even more alarmingly, 42% of respondents said that they had experienced suicidal feelings.

If you are going through treatment and are finding it tough, there is help and support out there. The patient charity Fertility Network UK offers free group meetings around the country where meeting with other people going through similar experiences can be hugely helpful, and have a support line and online forum too. The British Infertility Counselling Association has a host of specialist counsellors ready to help with emotional support, and you can also talk to your GP if you are feeling in need of counselling. Don’t suffer alone.

Could you help to direct the future of fertility research

If you have personal experience of fertility problems, could you help with a project which aims to discover what you really want and need from fertility research?  A group supported by the Cochrane Gynaecology and Fertility Group and the University of Oxford is bringing together people with fertility problems, healthcare professionals, and researchers to try to establish the top ten questions that they want future research projects to answer.  You can take part in this by answering some questions in a couple of short surveys that the researchers estimate will take no more than ten minutes to complete.

This is really important work as it will help ensure that future research focuses on what you want and need to know to help you to make informed choices – so do find a spare ten minutes for this if you possibly can!

There are more details and a link to the survey here

Could scientists have found a cure for PCOS?

It’s incredibly common, but little has been known about what causes polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Now scientists in France think they may have found the solution. They believe PCOS may be triggered by exposure to high levels of Anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH) in the womb which may overstimulate brain cells and raise the level of testosterone in the body.

Experimenting on mice, the researchers were able to reverse the effect of the AMH by using a drug which can be used to control hormones and they are now planning to trial this in women. If it works, it could be a solution to restore ovulation in women with POCS.

PCOS is a very common condition, and women who experience it have a number of symptoms often may include irregular periods, excess body hair, weight gain, oily skin and cysts on the ovaries. Many, but not all, experience difficulties trying to conceive and PCOS is often a cause of fertility problems. You can read more about the new research in New Scientist here.

Why exercise is good for you

A new study suggests that “vigorous” exercise may be linked to an improved chance of getting pregnant, but that more gentle exercise doesn’t seem to make the same difference. So, what counts as “vigorous”? Apparently that’s exercise like jogging, running, football or aerobics which leaves you out of breath, and you have to do more than four hours a week!

You can read more about it on the NHS Choices website – and the results are interesting. If you are obese, the vigorous exercise thing doesn’t work, but instead more moderate exercise such as walking does. As NHS Choices points out, assessing how likely it is that these results are actually widely applicable and correct can be difficult as the results were slightly odd. It isn’t clear why exercise only counts if you do more than four hours a week, or why walking makes a difference to obese or overweight women but not to any others. It is also not clear what they women ate, or whether their weight changed during the study as these factors could make a difference – as could any existing fertility problems so it may be that one of these other factors was in fact responsible.

It does, however, add to the growing body of evidence that keeping active is a good thing!

For anyone pregnant after fertility treatment

I’ve heard from so many people recently who are pregnant after fertility problems who are full of anxiety and feel their pregnancies, which ought to be joyful, are being tainted by the worries from the time spent trying to conceive. Women then blame themselves once again for not being “normal”, but this is a perfectly understandable response to finally finding yourself pregnant after fertility problems. You may find it hard to have faith that things are going to be all right when you have become so accustomed to them not being all right.

It may be helpful to know that there is a closed Facebook group which I look after for the patient charity Fertility Network UK which is just for people who are pregnant after fertility problems which you can find at https://www.facebook.com/groups/Pregnancyafterinfertility/

The other resource which may be helpful is a book I wrote because I felt so strongly about the lack of understanding for people who are pregnant after fertility problems. It’s called Precious Babies – Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility and you can buy it from Amazon. It goes from the positive pregnancy test right through birth and early parenthood to interviews with adults conceived by IVF and I hope it helps you realise that you are not alone and that others feel the same way after fertility problems.

 

Thinking of having treatment overseas?

If you are considering going abroad for fertility treatment, you may be interested in this article I wrote for a supplement for The Times earlier this week.

For many people, going overseas can be a cheaper option, and many return with positive stories about their experiences, but you do need to be aware of the facts and understand the differences you may find if you choose to have treatment outside the UK.

There are some great clinics across the globe, but there are also some that are not quite so great and you don’t have the protection that you have here in the UK of knowing that all  clinics offering IVF are licensed and regularly inspected by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. As you don’t have that luxury with clinics elsewhere, you do need to make sure you do your homework and research as much as you can about the clinic and the country to ensure that you are left feeling that you did the right thing in choosing to travel for treatment.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: