If you’re in South East London, tonight at 7pm at the Fertility Network UK office which is at 20 Egerton Drive Greenwich SE10 8JS, you can come along and meet Aileen Feeney, the Chief Exec of Fertility Network UK, who is going to talk briefly about what the charity does and the support it can offer. The office is near to Greenwich station and DLR. Hope to see you there! x
It’s one of those things people don’t even want to think about when they’re going through fertility treatment – what might happen if it didn’t work, ever? Could you really be happy if you didn’t end up with a baby? What would you do if all that time, effort, money and emotional investment led to nothing? Would your life ever feel fulfilled and enjoyable? Could the overwhelming sadness go away? I want to tell you about someone who is a brilliant example of the fact that life after IVF treatment can be both fulfilled and enjoyable. She’s called Lesley Pyne, and I first met her when I was a trustee for the charity which is now Fertility Network UK. Lesley was one of my fellow trustees, and had joined as she was involved with the section of the charity for people who were involuntarily childless known at the time as More to Life.
Today, I met Lesley for the first time for a while and it struck me that she looked about 10 years younger than she did when I last first knew her – which means she must look about 20 years younger than she really is! Her eyes were bright and shining, and her zest for life was almost palpable. Lesley, who always seemed to be making an effort not to stand out when we were fellow trustees, was dressed in bright colours with electric blue nails. She is happy, she is making the most of the good things in her life – and she has just written a book explaining how she went from feeling devastated by unsuccessful treatment to this confident, happy woman who gets the best out of her life – it’s due to be published in June and is called Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness.
It strikes me as we talk that Lesley has embraced something we could all learn from – living for the moment, focusing on the positives and making an effort to enjoy what we have. I haven’t read Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness yet – but she explained that it contains her story and those of a number of other women who have come out the other side of involuntary childlessness to find fulfilment. She says it is a journey, and it can be hard along the way, but that there is life beyond childlessness, there is more to life – and if you need help along that path, keep an eye out for Lesley’s book when it comes out in June.
If you’re looking for a book to support you through your fertility journey, then Making Friends with your Fertility written by specialist fertility counsellor Tracey Sainsbury along with co-author Sarah Rayner may be just what you’re looking for. It contains all the basics you need to know about fertility and treatment but what’s so good about this book is that it is written by someone who really knows how it feels and who understands the difficulties you are likely to face along the way.
I remember having lunch with Tracey some while back now when she told me she was thinking of writing a book. I knew right away that it would be the kind of book fertility patients would welcome, as Tracey is not just a fertility counsellor working in fertility clinics, she also has personal experience of fertility problems, and worked for the charity Fertility Network UK for years. She has known fertility patients as a peer, as a professional and as a support worker and she has a unique perspective on the journey.
So many books about fertility are packed with advice about how to improve your chances of successful treatment through positive thinking. At one level, it may seem helpful to talk about relaxation but what I love about Making Friends with your Fertility is that Tracey appreciates that experiencing fertility problems and going through treatment can be traumatic, and that feeling stressed is a perfectly normal reaction to this. Tracey’s book won’t tell you to “just relax” or to “think yourself pregnant”, but will rather support you to stop blaming yourself for how you feel.
I think Making Friends with your Fertility is a bit like having your own personal fertility counsellor at hand to turn to whenever you need support along the way. There’s a lot here about how you might feel emotionally and how to handle that – and it’s sensible advice. If you want a fertility book that is going to support you along the way, rather than set you impossible challenges, then Making Friends with your Fertility is one to recommend!
I’m going to be running a new fertility group for Fertility Network in Greenwich in South East London which you are welcome to join! We are having our first meeting on the evening of Tuesday March 27. It will be great to see you if you are able to come along!
I first went to a group when I was going through IVF myself and found it hugely helpful to meet other people who understood how we felt. I was a bit uncertain about going along – I didn’t think I was the sort of person who went to group meetings – but in fact it wasn’t gloomy or depressing or any of the other things I’d expected. If anything, it was actually quite uplifting to be in a room full of people who weren’t going to stat asking questions about when we were going to have a baby and why we were leaving it so late…
I’ve run a number of different fertility groups over the years since then and have seen at first hand the benefits they can bring. So why not come along and join us and find out for yourselves…
It’s Endometriosis Awareness Week organised by the charity Endometriosis UK. They are aiming to increase understanding of endometriosis particularly among women who may not yet have a diagnosis. It takes a shocking average of seven and a half years in the UK to diagnose a woman with endometriosis.
The charity’s website is full of useful information about endometriosis and explains the symptoms which can include painful, heavy, or irregular periods, pain during or after sex infertility, painful bowel movements and fatigue. Around one and a half million women in the UK are currently living with endometriosis which can affect anyone of childbearing age.
There are lots of ways to get involved if you are interested, and you can organise or take part in Endo the Night which is a fundraising initiative aimed at helping to support the charity. Meanwhile, if If you want some quick information on endometriosis, you may also find this helpful – an article about endometriosis with tips leading fertility specialist Anthony Rutherford.
Congratulations to the brilliant team at the Fertility Education Initiative for getting the subject of fertility education on the agenda. It was fabulous to see the subject covered on the front page of The Times, and also covered in the Sun and the Mail. The Fertility Education Initiative’s Jessica Hepburn and Professor Joyce Harper even featured on the Victoria Derbyshire show talking about this.
It’s such an easy subject to misunderstand or misinterpret – and people are often worried that talking to young people about infertility will mean they assume they don’t need to worry about contraception. In fact, this couldn’t be further from the truth as fertility education is about ensuring young people really understand and are fully informed about their own fertility. All too often, women who find they’ve left themselves a fairly small window of opportunity to conceive feel that they weren’t fully informed about their own reproductive clock or about the limits of fertility treatment.
You can read more about the Fertility Education Initiative here where you can also find answers to some common questions, and see a video of the Fertility Education Initiative’s Health Summit Choice Not Chance held in 2016.